Wednesday, April 29, 2020
Who do you think knows the most about vaginas? Doctors? Of course, yes. Can you think of anyone else who has dealt with vaginas all their lives? No, I am not talking about men. It is the bikini waxers. You take your hairy vaginas to them, and they make you feel “clean” and pampered. What do you think they would be thinking about vaginas while at the job? I don’t know about all of them, but here’s the classification of vaginal shapes postulated by a bikini waxer who must have ripped hair off from millions of vaginas. Owing to that number, we believe you, don’t we, readers? Go ahead and read what she’s got to say about the lady gardens.
The Barbie Baby
Let’s start with the Barbie Babes. These vags are the first ones to pop into our minds when we think of lady parts. But surprisingly, this is the rarest of the kinds and ranks the highest in the aesthetic quotient – very barbie like – and hence the name. In this sort of vagina, the outer lips (labia majora) completely encase the inner vaginal lips (labia minora) and make the vagina look like a compact piece of art. Well, this is probably archetypal but not the only variety, and women, if your vagina looks nothing like this, that’s okay. It might look like one of the below kinds.
The Curtain Chick
According to some bikini waxers, this is more common among the women folk, contrary to what we think. In this kind of vagina, the inner vaginal lips are prominent, and they visibly hang out of the outer lips. This arrangement of the inner and outer lips is what gives the vaginas of these chicks the curtain appearance. Also, the degree to which the labia minora peeps out varies from woman to woman. In some, the hanging is ostensible, and in many, it is not.
The Puffy Popsy
These vaginas are more or less similar to the Barbie ones, just that the outer labia majora is all puffed up and covers the labia minora completely. However, compared to the Barbie kind, these vaginas sit more towards to the lower side of the pubic bone. Also, the outer lips can sometimes be loose and thin – they do not necessarily need to be fully plump and puffy. Again, this is subjective and varies from woman to woman.
The Horseshoe Hottie
To understand how this vagina looks, think of a horseshoe. Yes, pretty much like that. In this kind of vagina, the opening is wider at the top and tapers towards the bottom. Unlike the Curtain Chicks, the inner lips in Horseshoe Hotties do not extend to the outer lips.
The Tulip Tot
This kind of vagina quite obviously looks like the tulips. To imagine how this vagina looks like, think of a young Tulip bud which is yet to bloom. The inner lips show all through the length of the labia majora but are not as apparent as in the case of the Curtain variety.
Well, that was about the shapes. The va-jay-jay story doesn’t stop with the varieties of shapes. We’ve got more!
# They Come In Different Colors
Your vaginas are of various colors, women. It could range anywhere from a light pink to a dark brown. Also, your skin, in general, might be a lighter shade but that doesn’t make it mandatory for your vagina to be light too. Sometimes, it could be dark in the vag. In fact, there could be so many colors inside one single vagina – the outer or inner lips can look darker than the rest of the vagina. A multicolored vagina? It is just natural.
# Varied Sizes Too
Although astonishing, it is true that there’s a significant difference in the sizes of the right and left inner lips of the vagina. This disparity is seen in most women and is not something to be worried about unless there are other symptoms like chaffing and discomfort. Speaking of genital dimensions, it varies greatly from individual to individual. According to a study conducted to measure the dimensions of female genitalia, it was found that the length of the labia minora ranged between 20 to 100 mm and the length of the labia majora ranged between 7 to 12 cm (1). Isn’t that too staggering a difference?
One thing to remember before panicking about the vaginal size, color, or shape is that there’s no single yardstick that your vagina needs to adhere to. The vags are all different, and as long as they function the way they are supposed to, the external appearance shouldn’t be of major concern. What say, women? Comment below and let me know.