Wednesday, April 8, 2020
Let's say you're in a new relationship, and you're beginning to develop some pretty strong feelings (perhaps unexpectedly, too). Now, it's a good idea to see where your partner is. If there are signs you're thought of as a fling and not serious-commitment potential, it should be addressed early on before either person gets hurt. Of course, there's nothing wrong with having a fling, if both people are on board, but one-sided feelings are never a good thing, moving forward.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on feeling satisfied in their relationships and opening themselves up to love. Sure, it can be tricky to gauge your feelings or those of your partner, but as long as you trust your gut and work on good communication skills, you're less likely to feel ambushed when something goes wrong. What's more, if you're already starting to get some weird vibes that you're not a priority in your partner's life or he or she is starting to withdraw, it could mean that you're seen as more of a short-term, casual fling, as opposed to a potential, long-term match. Here, 8 signs to watch out for. From there, you can figure out your next steps.
1. You're Never Asked To Meet The Friends
Usually, if someone is interested in you long-term, he or she will ask you to meet the friends, as you'll get approval (which is clearly needed) and your partner will be able to see how well you bond with the group, explains Jonathan Bennett, relationship counselor, over email with Bustle. Friends are super important, so taking that next step is critical in determining the relationship status.
2. You're Not Facebook Friends
If your partner won't friend you or accept a friend request on Facebook, it could mean that he or she is trying to hide you or doesn't want you to get too close, where you might find photos with other dates and "flings," for instance, explains Jenn Kennedy, an LMFT based in Santa Barbara, California who specializes in couples, sex and gender identity, over email with Bustle.
3. They're Always Late
"Saying you'll be at a place at a certain time and constantly running late is annoying and a huge sign your guy is a dud. If you're repeatedly late, it starts feeling like you don't care about other people's time," explains Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW over email with Bustle. "If your date arrived on time it shows that meeting you was a priority to him," Hershenson adds.
4. They Don't Text Except For Sex
"Texting or calling shows he cares about your well-being, which is a good indicator he will be there for you in times of need," says Hershenson. Here, an example: "One client was heartbroken after a breakup and afraid to put herself out there again. When she finally started dating again, she had a lot of fear. Her date sent a simple text asking if she got home ok and her mind was completely at ease because she felt cared for, unlike with her ex. She is now in a committed relationship with this man," from Hershenson.
5. There Are Gaps In Communication
"Someone who likes you and is interested in moving forward with you in a relationship will instigate or respond to messages and calls on a daily basis," explains psychic medium and relationship expert, Amira Celon, over email with Bustle. "If too much time passes between contact you know the person isn't serious," Celon adds.
6. They Don't Make Future Plans
If your partner only makes "spur of the moment plans," or even does the dreaded, "11 p.m. booty call," as explained by Lisa Bahar, LMFT, LPCC over email with Bustle, it means that he or she might think of you as a fling and not a serious match. You should be able to make set dinner dates and other plans in advance.
7. They Don't Try To Learn About You
"If he or she does not take a sincere interest in how things are going your life," it can be a major red flag, explains relationship expert Kevin Darné and the author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) over email with Bustle. This might be: "They rarely ask you questions about your past, childhood, family, or goals. In fact you never have any discussions of any real depth," Darné adds
8. You Always Initiate Get-Togethers
"If you are always the one to initiate contact, making suggestions for things to do together or places to go; essentially trying to keep the magic alive then most likely, he or she doesn't seem to miss you when you're not together," says Darné. This is also another sign there's little interest in developing a deeper relationship.
If you notice any of these signs pop up in your relationship, it could mean that your partner doesn't think of you as real relationship potential and might just be in it for the short-term. This could be totally fine if you're on the same page, so communication is key.